Before you influence others, you influence yourself.
The story you tell inside shapes how you act outside.
People who influence well believe the story they tell. Their words and actions match.
They don’t act confident.
They are confident.
People notice this and listen.
Most get this wrong. You try to look credible but doubt eats at you. You write polished messages but think, “No one will buy this.” You work hard to influence others, but it drains you.
Your confidence always needs a boost. Things feel off.
Flow in Influence
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s work shows that people do best when everything aligns. Think about athletes in the zone or artists who lose track of time.
This matters with influence too. When your words match your real beliefs, conversations feel natural.
You connect, you don’t push. You help, you don’t pitch.You don’t need to be perfect.
You need to be clear.
Dan Koe says to build your brand using your real interests and values, not trends. When you speak from your experience, others notice. You build trust.
People respond if your words fit your actions. They tune out if they sense a gap.
All Systems Aligned
Daniel Schmachtenberger studies systems. He asks what causes the results you see.
For influence, look at your beliefs and stories inside. Then look at your content and messages outside. When these match, you reach coherence.
You support what you say with what you think.
If your thoughts and actions don’t match, you waste energy. People sense this, even if they can’t say why.
Levels of Influence
Ken Wilber maps out stages of personal growth. You cannot skip steps.
You reach each level by living it. If you try to influence from a level you have not reached, it comes off as fake.
Two people might say the same thing, but only one is trusted.
Depth matters more than words. People sense where you speak from.
How People Decide
You decide with feeling first.
Logic comes after.
HeartCore Logic explains this. People feel your intent before they hear your point. If you believe what you say, people feel safe to follow your lead.
If you pretend or exaggerate, people notice. Even if your facts are sound, your message won’t connect.
How to Build Real Alignment
Get honest with yourself.
What stories do you believe about your work or worth?
What habits shape your presence?
What old ideas slow you down?
Naval Ravikant recommends self-reflection. Csikszentmihalyi suggests you focus on activities in which you lose yourself. Wilber says to know your growth level and do the work to grow.
You do not need perfect confidence. You need your outside words to match your inside beliefs.
When Story and Strategy Match
I taught sales pros to use emotion to drive sales. Still, readers said my writing felt cold. I pushed facts, skipped emotion. People saw the gap.
Things changed when I stopped acting as the expert and shared my journey instead. Readers trusted me more.
Aligned Influence means your growth powers your influence. You no longer need to fake belief. You share your own story.
People listen, not because you convince them, but because you live what you say.
The Long Game of Real Influence
True influence grows slow.
You do the inner work and learn new skills.
You grow yourself and your message.
You fix your view of authority, not just your image.
When you live in alignment, you do not burn out keeping up appearances. People follow you because your story holds up from the inside out.
Ask yourself:
What story needs to change?
What old version of you are you pushing?
What improves if you stop?
Clear stories sell.
When your story makes sense to you, it lands with others.